Relationships are often the most organic part of our lives – born out of proximity, circumstances, and happenstance. We sat in the same class, maybe next to each other, borrowing pens or sharing lunch, and somewhere in those small moments, friendships quietly formed. Those early connections, seemingly random, were defined by shared environments: the physical, unplanned spaces that threw us together. At first, we didn’t choose those spaces; we simply occupied them. But what happens when we begin to choose? When friendships stop being about chance collisions and start being about deliberate decisions?

Over time, my relationships have transformed through a continuum – from shared environment to shared interests, to shared work, to shared ambitions, to shared purpose, and finally to shared legacy. Each phase represents a deeper level of connection and intentionality, a conscious evolution from simple interactions to purposeful partnerships that carry meaning, commitment, and, ultimately, impact. I now find myself in what I call the “shared legacy” phase of my life. It’s a phase where relationships are no longer unexamined or circumstantial. They are deliberate investments. Each connection I nurture is a choice – rooted in shared values, history, concerns, and practices. They reflect not only my thoughts and feelings but the purpose and principles I want to embody and build. They are less about fleeting interactions and more about a shared commitment to leaving something lasting behind – a legacy.

For much of our lives, relationships appear to form almost passively. Circumstances dictate whom we meet, whom we spend time with, and whom we grow close to. But as we mature, our understanding of connection deepens. We begin to see relationships as a reflection of ourselves – our priorities, values, and aspirations. In this phase, choice replaces chance. The people we allow into our lives are no longer just those who happen to be there; they are those who align with what we care about and where we are headed. This shift is profound. It is less about serendipity and more about intention. Less about fun for fun’s sake and more about creating meaningful joy together. It is about saying, “I will invest in you because we are building something significant here – something that matters to both of us and to those who will come after us.” Shared legacy is a forward-looking concept; it doesn’t dwell in nostalgia but asks, “What are we leaving behind?”

The strongest relationships at this stage are formed on a foundation of alignment – shared values, shared goals, and shared commitments. The bond isn’t arbitrary; it’s strategic, like the roots of a tree planted deliberately to weather storms and bear fruit. Optimization of our collective health – physical, mental, and spiritual – becomes a unifying principle. A healthy relationship, after all, mirrors a healthy life: it requires care, balance, and intention. In the shared legacy phase, relationships are no longer about circumstantial collisions. We don’t just stumble upon people anymore; we seek them out or allow ourselves to be sought because we see potential. It’s about working with someone, not merely working alongside them. This idea often reminds me of great collaborations throughout history – whether in science, art, or business – where two or more individuals found each other because their paths were not just crossing but converging. The Wright brothers didn’t just share a familial bond; they shared an ambition to fly. Lennon and McCartney didn’t just play music; they pursued a shared vision that changed the world. These relationships weren’t born from chance alone; they were amplified by shared purpose and intentional collaboration.

In modern times, we see this same principle applied in leadership and teamwork. Leaders who intentionally foster alignment – around goals, values, and aspirations – build teams that don’t merely function but flourish. Relationships rooted in shared purpose aren’t transactional; they are transformational. They create environments where people feel seen, heard, and valued, and where everyone works toward a vision greater than themselves. When I reflect on the relationships I now prioritize, they are deeply intentional. I no longer have the freedom – or the interest – to invest in relationships that meander aimlessly, hoping to stumble upon something common. Relationships of legacy are about shared commitments, not shared coincidences. They start with aligned principles, clear goals, and a sense of purpose. They feel less like drifting on an open sea and more like navigating a course we chose together.

It’s worth asking ourselves: What makes a relationship truly significant? What moves it from surface-level to legacy-building?

For me, the answer lies in five key bonds:

• Shared values: A moral and ethical alignment that ensures we are walking the same path.
• Shared history: The comfort of knowing where we’ve been, which strengthens where we are going.
• Shared concerns: A recognition of the same challenges and a willingness to address them together.
• Shared practices: Habits and routines that reinforce our health, well-being, and collective success.
• Shared commitment to goals: A focus on building something that lasts – a legacy that speaks to our shared vision.

These bonds are the scaffolding upon which shared legacies are built. And while they may sound serious, they do not strip relationships of joy. Instead, they elevate joy into something purposeful – something that feels earned, not accidental. In the end, the shared legacy phase of relationships is about what we are building and what we are leaving – together. It’s no longer just about who I am or who you are; it’s about what we can create. A shared legacy is generative. It leaves the world better than we found it, whether through ideas, actions, or the ripple effects of our influence. It’s about planting trees whose shade we may never sit under, but knowing that someone will. It’s about creating spaces of care and comfort for others and future opportunities for ourselves. It’s about laying down bricks, not landmines. Bricks that build foundations, pathways, and futures. This is where relationships become not just personal investments but contributions to something greater.

Shared legacies are what remain long after the conversations end, after the work is done, and after we are gone. They endure because they are built on intention – on choosing to show up, to invest, to align, and to create. The randomness of shared environments will always have a charm, but the purposefulness of shared legacies is what gives life its meaning.

Less about chance. More about choice. Less about collisions. More about intentions.

And perhaps most importantly, less about fun, and more about the kind of joy that comes from creating and building together. Because in the end, what matters most is not just who we shared our time with, but what we chose to leave behind.