Let’s start with something simple and human.

You don’t have to know everyone.

You don’t have to network with everyone. You don’t have to say yes to every invitation, every introduction, or every handshake at a conference. Somewhere along the way, “networking” became confused with indiscriminate access. But access is not intimacy. And connection is not alignment.

We tell students, mentees, and emerging professionals to be intentional – about their words, their posture, and their presence. But we rarely tell them to be intentional about their relationships. Not just their close ones, but the loose ties too – the people they follow, the meetings they take, the circles they orbit. The truth is, who you build with is just as important as what you’re building. And if the values aren’t aligned, the chances of building something truly meaningful – together or even with their help – drop close to zero.

Misalignment is expensive. Not always in money, but in time, trust, and emotional bandwidth. In organizational life, we call this “strategic drift.” It’s what happens when people or initiatives that look like they’re rowing in the same direction slowly veer off course – because the motivations, ethics, and intentions underneath were never truly aligned. They were in proximity, not in partnership.

And so, here’s a truth we need to say out loud, especially to those just finding their voice: discretion is not arrogance. It’s discernment. You are not obligated to engage just because someone is visible, successful, powerful, or “good for your career.” You can choose to pass. Not because they are bad. But because you are clear. Clear on your values. Clear on your energy. Clear on the cost of forced fit.

In real life, and especially in impact-driven work, there’s a temptation to be overly inclusive, to make room for every perspective in the name of collaboration. But wisdom lies in knowing when inclusion starts to dilute integrity. This doesn’t mean we close ourselves off to people who challenge us. Quite the opposite. It means we stop chasing relationships that ask us to shrink or perform. It means we recognize that alignment doesn’t mean agreement – it means shared orientation.

We’ve all seen it – projects that look promising on paper but slowly unravel because the people involved were playing different games. One was driven by purpose. Another by ego. One wanted long-term transformation. The other, short-term visibility. On the surface, it looked like a partnership. Underneath, it was a negotiation of misaligned expectations. And when things go sideways, misalignment reveals itself not just in failure, but in silence, avoidance, and erosion of trust.

That’s why values matter. That’s why it’s okay to pause before saying yes. To ask yourself: Is this someone I can trust? Do they move with integrity? Do they see the world the way I do – or at least respect the way I see it? Because if not, what exactly are we building?

Now, this isn’t a call to create echo chambers. Diversity of thought, background, and approach is essential. But there’s a difference between diversity and divergence. The first strengthens the work. The second scatters it. When the shared foundation is missing, the structure – no matter how flashy – won’t hold.

The hard truth is this: not every opportunity is yours to take. Not every space is yours to occupy. And that’s a good thing. Saying no is not rejection – it’s redirection. You’re not walking away from people. You’re walking toward alignment. You’re preserving the mental and emotional space required to do work that matters, with people who don’t just say the right things but live them.

This is something I try to tell the students I teach and the mentees I support – especially those just stepping into leadership roles. You will feel the pressure to show up everywhere, to shake every hand, to stay visible. But visibility without clarity is just noise. You don’t have to be everywhere. You just need to be where it matters.

And so, protect your energy. Seek resonance, not reach. Don’t confuse access with opportunity. Because at the end of the day, the work that matters most – whether it’s building a team, a community, or a life – only flourishes in the presence of trust, shared values, and mutual respect.

You’re allowed to choose. You’re supposed to choose. That’s not exclusion. That’s leadership.