“Why are you single?”
It’s a question I’ve been asked more times than I can count, often delivered with a mix of curiosity, disbelief, and sometimes even pity. How can someone with my life, my education, my professional accomplishments, and, dare I say, my personality, choose to stay alone? To many, it seems like a puzzle that doesn’t quite fit.
But to me, it’s the simplest thing in the world: I’ve chosen this path, and it feels right.
There’s a quiet defiance in choosing to step off the well-trodden path. To say no to marriage, no to dating, no to cohabitation, no to hook-ups, and no to children isn’t a rejection of relationships themselves – it’s a rejection of the script we’re handed without question. This isn’t a decision made in bitterness or regret. It’s an intentional choice to live life on my terms, free from the obligations, expectations, and compromises that often come with those traditional frameworks.
For me, this choice didn’t come out of nowhere. It came from experience – painful, disillusioning, and deeply reflective. Not once, but twice, I found myself in places of vulnerability, places where I had hoped for something deeper but was met instead with cracks and pain. I witnessed firsthand how relationships can devolve into personal struggles, how expectations can constrain even the most well-intentioned bonds, and how duty can outweigh desire in ways that erode joy. Those experiences taught me more than I ever wanted to know, but they also gave me clarity. Walking away, and choosing not to walk that way again, wasn’t an act of cynicism; it was an act of self-preservation. It was a realization that fulfillment doesn’t have to follow a predetermined formula and that freedom comes as much from knowing what you don’t want as from knowing what you do.
At the heart of it, my choice is about autonomy. I’ve seen what happens when relationships are driven by obligation rather than mutual joy, and I knew I couldn’t live like that. Making the choice I made, for me, isn’t about giving up on connection; it’s about choosing a life that aligns with my values, my needs, and my truth.
For me, this decision aligns with a philosophy of minimalism and intentional living. It’s about stripping life down to what truly matters – experiences that feel genuine, relationships that are unforced, and choices that are fully my own. It’s about living without unnecessary entanglements or compromises that take me further from the person I want to be. Some call it stoicism; I call it freedom.
That freedom doesn’t come without its challenges. People love to tell you what you’re missing, as if the absence of a partner or children automatically translates to an incomplete life. I’ve learned to smile and let those comments roll off my back because I know they’re not speaking my truth. I don’t see this path as walking away from something; I see it as walking toward something: a life that feels fully mine.
Human connection still matters to me – deeply infact. I’m not a hermit retreating into isolation. But I’ve learned to reimagine connection on my terms. I value relationships and friendships that aren’t rooted in obligation, conversations that don’t follow a script, and experiences that don’t demand compromise. I’m not closing doors; I’m simply choosing which ones to walk through.
Society often frames marriage, children, and the nuclear family as the ultimate markers of success. I’ve questioned that framework for a long time. My life doesn’t need those milestones to feel meaningful. The beauty of living today is that the traditional playbook is no longer the only one available. Solo living, child-free lifestyles, and redefined relationships are, in my humble opinion, just as valid.
Of course, choosing this path comes with its share of judgment. “Isn’t it lonely?” people ask. My answer is always the same: Loneliness isn’t about being alone; it’s about being disconnected from yourself. I feel more grounded, more at peace, and more fulfilled in this life that I’ve chosen than I ever did when I tried to fit into a mold that wasn’t mine.
This isn’t about rejecting relationships, love, or family. It’s about affirming myself – my values, my needs, my aspirations, and my truth. It’s about recognizing that fulfillment doesn’t come from following the crowd but from forging a path that feels honest and authentic. I’m not looking to prove anyone wrong; I’m just living in a way that proves me right.
So when people ask why I’m single, I tell them it’s not because I have to be but because I choose to be. In that choice lies everything I need – a life unburdened by obligation, full of curiosity and exploration, and guided by the quiet conviction that I am enough, just as I am. Walking away isn’t the end of connection; it’s the beginning of the truest connection – with myself and with the life I’ve chosen to lead.